When insults had class

[meaneyedcatz]

Another one from Churchill,
at an event a lady stated
sir, you are fat.
madam, you are ugly but I can lose weight.

 

[rwsmith]

I must have......

Aren't those in the OP's post?

I must have really wonked out!

 

[Marshwheeling]

One of my favorites is from Samuel Johnson, who was seen by a woman of his acquaintance as he lurched out of a tavern in a state of partial undress.

"Why, Dr. Johnson, your member is sticking out."

"You flatter yourself Madam; it's hanging out."


The best I have been able to come up with is in response to anyone who points out my unzipped fly.

"Thanks for noticing."
(Not much of an insult, really; more of a compliment)

 

[Straightshooter2]

I can't help detesting my relations. I suppose it comes from the fact that none of us can stand other people having the same faults as ourselves...Oscar Wilde

 

[rcnixon]

Dorothy Parker and a snide woman of her acquaintance arrived at a door at the same time.

"Age before beauty," said the other woman, waving Parker to go ahead.

"Pearls before swine," Parker replied sweetly, and walked through the door.

Miss Parker was one of the great unrecognized wits of American culture. She was one of only two women charter members of the "Algonquin Round Table".

Some of her more memorable quotes:

“I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
― Dorothy Parker

“Women and elephants never forget.”
― Dorothy Parker

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.”
― Dorothy Parker

“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”
― Dorothy Parker

“Don't look at me in that tone of voice.”
― Dorothy Parker

“You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.”
― Dorothy Parker, You Might as Well Live: The Life and Times of Dorothy Parker

“That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.”
― Dorothy Parker, While Rome Burns

“Living well is the best revenge.”
― Dorothy Parker

“Excuse my dust.”
― Dorothy Parker

“Never complain, never explain.”
― Dorothy Parker

Dorothy Parker - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Algonquin Round Table - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Russ

 

[shouldazagged]

It is said that somebody told Oscar Wilde, "I passed your house yesterday."
Wilde replied, "Thank You".

A certain "literary" gentleman (I don't recall his name) with no discernible talent was appointed Poet Laureate of England. The reactions ranged from horror to hilarity.

The man in question once said to Wilde, "There's a conspiracy of silence against me, Oscar, a conspiracy of silence! What should I do?"

"Join it," said Wilde.

 

[M3Stuart]

I worked for a #$%&#@# from Scotland.

Once, as he was set to return to his homeland I said; "Just think, once you get there, the average IQ's of both countries will increase."

I quit soon after (before he could fire me).

 

[timn8er]

Calvin Coolidge was known to be a very quiet person, only speaking if he absolutely had to. While attending a soiree put on by a high society matron, he was continually accosted by her, trying to get him to talk. He would just smile, nod or shake his head, & remain silent. As he prepared to leave the hostess made a revelation: "Oh Mr President, I bet Mrs. so & so that I could get you to say at least three words! Won't you please help me out?" Cal thought about it for a second, smiled & said: "You lose!" & walked out of the room! This is supposed to be true.

 

[Fishslayer]

"Don't sell yourself short, Judge. You're a tremendous slouch." - Ty Webb

 

[Beemerguy53]

Dorothy Parker and a snide woman of her acquaintance arrived at a door at the same time.

"Age before beauty," said the other woman, waving Parker to go ahead.

"Pearls before swine," Parker replied sweetly, and walked through the door.

Story has it that Dorothy Parker was at a party where a pompous gentleman, having just returned from a trip to England, had adopted some English pronunciations.

He kept prattling on about his busy schedule, which he pronounced as "shed-yule". Finally Parker looked at him and said "I think you're full of skit!"

 

[Whitens Moss]

Will Rogers had a lot of good ones:

A fool and his money are soon elected.


Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.'

It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so.

What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states.

 

[kamloops67]

couple days ago my wife and i were having a row, i said to her," if this was our first date, id never call you again."
she replied," first date? i wouldnt even have gone out with you, an unemployed construction worker, pfft ."
BURN
then we were laughing about a few minutes later. but jeez i better find a job!

 

[Hillbilly77]

Avoiding four letter words won't always keep you out of trouble.

And people now days think politics are rough?

Arron Burr (Vice President) shot and killed Alexander Hamilton (Sec. of the treasury) for calling him a "Scoundrel and a scalawag" ( he probably was)

Remember this milk commercial?

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OLSsswr6z9Y#